If you can’t eat and you’re sitting in your room, it’s time to eat the room. Or rather, make money from the stuff that’s in the room.

Obviously the ideal way to get out of your overdraft is by getting a job, but that takes time and what are you supposed to do while you wait? Buy train tickets to job interviews with nothing, like a travelling wizard? Unfortunately TransPennine Express don’t accept bits of fluff/10ps and wizards don’t exist. If they did, they certainly wouldn’t take the TransPennine Express either, regardless of how charming the stretch between York and Northallerton is on a clear day. The trolley offerings are always proper crap (no Mars bars).

Anyway, have a look around you. Stuff strewn about, a drawer full of old mobiles that don’t work, a jewellery box full of terrible necklaces handed down from your Mad Aunt Betsy (everyone has an equivalent), CDs despite the fact your CD player broke in 2005 and a clothes-ocean thrown on embarrassed shoe-barnacles you didn’t know you’d bought? This is a metaphor, I am suggesting shoes look a bit like barnacles, not that you own shoe-barnacles. Open your mind and your soul.

You’re sitting amid/atop a goldmine, my friend.

Old mobile phones

That cute little mobile phone cartoon man that bounces around and jumps into an envelope isn’t doing this for nothing. Think of all the hours you two spent together, the drunk texts, the misguided emoticons, the wholly unnecessary black and white picture messages of flowers you’d send people for no reason on your 3310. It’s time for him to be disembodied for cash. There are quite a few sites offering cash for old phones, but the most reliable is Mazumamobile.co.uk. Sorry little cute blue phone man from the adverts. It’s nothing personal.

Gold jewellery

If you’ve got ingots knocking about your room, you should probably cash them. Otherwise, you can take pretty much any gold item to pretty much any of those GET CASH FOR YOUR GOLD HOORAYYY CASH CASH!!!!! shops dotted around pretty much every street in the UK. Those triangular gold earrings you got for your 21st from some cousin once removed are unwearable and odd. Cash them in and they’ll become a great lunch or a massive pint of Strongbow/wine. If you want to do it online, cashforgold.co.uk is fairly decent, but it’s an equally good idea to wander around your town centre. Looking for pawn-shops, not just wandering around aimlessly. Although when you’re poor it’s nice to get a breath of fresh air, yknow.

CDs

Retro 90s music is back in, so go on musicmagie.co.uk and flog your Cleopatra album, your 5ive CD (remember Richie, Sean, Abs, Scott and J? I do. I didn’t even Google their names or anything) or anything Westlife ever did. You enter the barcode and get the value immediately. A 5ive album is apparently worth 29p. Quids in, man. I was too scared to find out how much a Baby, When The Lights Go Out (the single after the seminal Slam Dunk Da Funk) single was worth; you can’t put a price on childhood and the result would be depressing. They’d probably request you pay them.

Clothes

If you haven’t started selling everything on eBay then you’re really missing out. Admittedly, the better the item, the better chance of it selling well, but provided there’s a cool picture of someone wearing them and a particularly optimistic descript, there’s no reason why someone wouldn’t pay £2 for your Diadora tracksuit. Also, there is actually nothing more breathlessly exciting than having an article of clothing you’re selling spark an aforementioned bidding war. It’s pure adrenaline, especially when it gets down to two people and you’re refreshing the page madly as the numbers climb literally into their tens. The best thing that ever happened to me was a pair of shoes going for £40. I think I cried a bit.

Fancy flogging your wares? Check out the following:

mazumamobile.co.uk

cashforgold.co.uk

ebay.co.uk OR amazon.co.uk (they don’t just do books yknow)

musicmagpie.co.uk

And, when all else fails, head for the bric a brac. If you bring it, they will buy. Out the back of your car. Head to http://www.carbootjunction.com/ for a list of carboot sales.